I have been here for a year now… Time sure has flown and I have been through a lot during this time, both physical and mental, but that aside I went down the memory lane yesterday, not realising that I and my WP anniversary.
… Memories are meant to be there to warn us and help us cope with the present. They are reflections of our fears and instincts and serve the purpose to save ourselves from further pain… But also to serve as a reminder of what is positive… Though those memories are not as well preserved as the bad.
I went through my high school… I had a… Rather good time in high school I’d say… I miss parts of it. Being older I feel I was really just a kid… It’s funny how today I feel I have WAY more knowledge than the teachers at my school, but that’s not only because I’m a smug bastard, but also because the studies I took were quite new.
I went to a multimedia high school in 2004… That is 14 years ago!! The broadband Internet had just become a regular household requirement, I remember my father didn’t get it for another year. I got my own laptop at school! I actually tried to start it yesterday, but sadly the power input is broken after ten years of constant abuse by yours truly. I remember being introduced for real to Photoshop and other Adobe programmes, having been using free (or “free”) other software up until then. I regret a bit now that I didn’t push to actually learn more about the wide arrays of software I had at my fingertips having the whole Adobe Suites as well as free access to several other programming and office programmes. All those things aside, I found friends, a few stayed for many years after as well and a few even became friends after graduation.
Overall, it was turbulent, but it was fun! I was rather free. I always had a thing with socialising, being able to talk to anyone and be myself everywhere… I realise after going through years of documents and schoolwork that I was already then a super organised, pedantic and controlling person to a point of chaos theory being in my favour. It is my greatest strength and of course my greatest weakness.
Other than school, I also realised I had a massive collection of absolute meaningless shit! Images and videos and texts and even self-made games. Some things were well thought out that I pulled out and some things were… Things I never want to see again… Of course going back to the time of high school is embarrassing, but it’s also nice to remember times where you had really good times, but with that comes the bad times too… Past mistakes, past pain, past cringe, past lovers, past friends…
I admit, though not with pride, that I saved some stuff that relate back to people I was friends with but also some I had romantic relationships with… It’s… Weird… I don’t really mind deleting it all, they serve no purpose and certainly nothing will happen if I do, but it’s kinda like I want to call them and say “Hey! I got this, you want it?” because I feel like the memories are not mine alone and I have no right to delete them…
… In the end, I probably will anyways…
Well, other than all that I realised three things:
I still feel satisfied with some of my past work and projects. I was always a fat, ugly “thing” and I have no idea how I could stand it. Lastly I consumed way too much porn… Though I admit my collection, though hefty, was of quite high quality!
Now I press [DELETE] and everything is forever gone… It feels good… While I lost memories and projects I spent countless hours on I can gladly say I do not regret it. Some things in life are meant to be forgotten, hence you forget. I am happy I could go back with a smile and become adolescent-minded for a few hours, but now I move on.